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  1. #1
    Senior Scrapper sbartist's Avatar
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    In today's mail we rec'd a college graduation announcement and invite to my stepdaughter's graduation party that WE (her dad and I) are hosting.

    Guess how the invitation was addressed:

    Craig Freshour and Family

    Okay, I think she knows my name (she was a witness on our marriage certificate) as well as my son (her stepbrother). Now you know why I don't scrapbook his kids. So thoughtless, inconsiderate and just plain rude. How would you feel? Am I wrong?

    And to think I have to drive roundtrip 12 hours to go to her graduation. I really don't want to go. Cough, cough...I think I am coming down with something.
    bonnie


  2. #2
    Scrapper Leona_Lynne's Avatar
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    So sorry Bonnie. I hope she didn't mean anything by it and it was just an attempt at proper etiquette. Maybe you should tell her how you feel.

    I say this because my cousin sent her mom an invitation to her wedding so she could have it as a keepsake. All the invites had RSVP cards in them and my cousin didn't think twice about it, but her mom got so offended that she sent an RSVP card to her like she questioned if she was coming or not that she ended up not going to her only daughter's wedding. It was all because of a misunderstanding and it really hurt my cousin. All that to say, I know you won't over react like my aunt did, but if the way she addressed it offended you then tell her, you may find that she didn't intend to, or you may find that she did...at least you'll know.

  3. #3
    Scrapper Merryscrapper's Avatar
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    Hi Bonnie. If I were you, I'd probably also be a little 'put out' but, sometimes, you have to chalk it up to either inexperience or a poor attempt at proper etiquette (to quote Leona Lynne). My DH and I have been married for almost 37 years and we got a birth announcement from his bro's son addressed to just my husband. I hope they know my name by now. I just figured they were ignorant of how to do things. But, you will be the smarter person, by far, if you are able to vent with us here and then put a smile on your face and enjoy the graduation. If it was in error, 'Oh Well' and if it was deliberate, 'oh, well'. Your reaction will be an example to show your kids.
    I suppose that at my age, I'm trying to turn the other cheek and (as Dr. Phil says) get over it. Do you remember when you were younger and you thought you'd never have to do anything you didn't want? I sure did but how wrong I was. So you should muster up a smile, put on a pretty outfit and buy some new lip gloss! And have a good time. Your DH will appreciate it.

    Ms. Merry

  4. #4
    Senior Scrapper laurat99's Avatar
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    Bonnie, I'm sorry your SD did this. Merry's advice is very good and grown up,and what you should do. The daughter may be an ungrateful wench, but let us know about it here, not DH, because she's still his daughter. BTW, if she's graduating from college, that means she will be able to support herself and not have to sponge off of you guys! Next time you are by yourself in the car, tell her off, so you can get it off your chest.
    Laura

  5. #5
    Senior Scrapper ScrappySam's Avatar
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    I gotta say, Bonnie, you're not looking well -- but it'll pass. I like the sage advice everyone has offered and just remember you didn't raise her, so she didn't have your wonderful guidance nor your MOM-101: Good Manners class. She's young - she'll learn by your example if this ever happens to her. (ah yes, the what goes around comes around theory - that's MOM-102: be careful class.)

    and by the way, vent all you want - we're here to listen any time - just like you do for us.

    sam

  6. #6
    Senior Scrapper jujuann's Avatar
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    Bonnie, I have been putting up with the same thing, but not just from the steps, but my DH's brother and sister. He knows how I feel and he does not spend as much time with them as he did and he never consults them about things like he did before we married.
    His sister feels like I came from the backwoods since I grew up in NC. Forget that I have 4 degrees, and she never went to college. Oh well! I did my vent. I do understand, and i just have very little to do with them, but when I do need to, i just bite my tongue. Venting to them creates more heartache and problems than the hole in my tongue. Like others have said, get a new dress, etc., and determine that you don't need their approval to have fun. Don't worry about SBing her graduation, unless you really want to.

    Judith
    Judith

  7. #7
    Senior Scrapper Carli'sGrandma's Avatar
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    Bonnie, I feel your pain. I am so sorry you are going thru this. You my dear friend do not deserve to be treated like this. In my opinion your husband should address his daughter and let her know what she has done to hurt not only you but him. Maybe coming from her dad will make it more real for her.

    Hugs,
    Donna
    Peace is the cure for all!

  8. #8
    Senior Scrapper
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    Bonnie, my thought was the same as LeonaLynne's- that it was a misguided attempt to use proper adressing ettiquette.

    It's really annoying, but may not have been an meant to hurt your feelings.

    I have had to bear lots of little digs from my DH's ex when it comes to events like this, and I tried to bear them as gracefully as possible for the sake of my DH & his DS.

    My stepson just turned 30, but a couple of years ago at Christmas he came out to the kitchen gave me a big bear hug and thanked me for all the crap I've had to put with over the years, and for making such great memories for him when he was with us...needless to say it was all worth it to hear that!

    You'll be the better person for not making a big deal about how an envelope was addressed.

    But when you get a chance-say in a friendly way- "Gosh you don't have to be formal when you address things to us dear- after all YOU"RE FAMILY!!" and follow it with a hug! She'll either be warmed by the act or totally confused & speechless- either way is good!!! LOL!!


  9. #9
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    Being a step-parent was the hardest job I've ever done, so I can totally feel your pain when they're disrespectful towards you. Does dh know how you feel? Is he willing to stand behind you and say something to his dd?
    I really think the envelope should have been addressed "Mr. and Mrs. Graig Freshour and Family"
    keep your chin up and take the high road. SHE's the one who has to look at that ungrateful face in the mirror every day, make sure you still like the one you're looking at

  10. #10
    Senior Scrapper LoriS.'s Avatar
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    Checking in with step-mom empathy/sympathy pain. I agree except will add to it new outfit, new hair style, nails, pedicure and heck throw in some jewelry on top of it! I also agree that it is very possible that it was a mistaken attempt to be proper, but I also agree that someone should clarify how it came off either DH or you, afterall it's worth the effort even if it just helps her from commiting a similar error with someone that wasn't family. Lastly, I'm not so sure if it is always a step-issue, I see how disrespectful and hurtful my friends biological children can be to her. Sometimes I think it's just simple they are not mature enough yet to realize that OMG "the world doesn't revolve around me?!"


 

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