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Thread: Kids, bullying

  1. #11
    Senior Scrapper kray's Avatar
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    At thanksgiving, Sara's mom took Sara's phone away from her. Supposed to be a month, but gave it back to her 10 days later. A week after the grounding, she discovered Sara took the SIMS card out of the phone and was using her old phone....so, instead of getting more time, all her mom did was get mad and took that phone and gave it back to her two days later. When Tony told me that her mom grounded Sara and he was going to back up his exwife on the phone grounding as we would have her on the weekends.....I told Tony....mom needs to make sure that the SIMS card was taken away too.....Tony never told Sara's mom....he pretty much blew it off because her mom did the punishment. Sara's parents are not up on technology and they are ten steps behind Sara. I am up on the technology, but I am just the stepparent.....so, my authority is taken away.


    Sara knows she can get away with everything from her parents, especially her mom....so, she acts out like she is right now. Also, she knows that Tony will fuss at her, but if Sara keeps pushing his buttons, he gives up and lets her have her way.

    Heck, Sara brags about it.

    I too agree, she needs some serious counseling....I also believe that Tony and his ex needs that counseling too on how to handle their kids. They have allowed the kids give them so much guilt that the kids run them. They need to be their parents.....discipline them, give them rules, and quit feeling guilty and trying to be their best friend. Who really needs the counseling is their 20 year old son. But he is too arrogant and thinks he is too good for counseling.

    I have told Tony I am not giving up on Sara....one of his son's I have as he doesn't deserve my respect....but Sara and I had a close bond at one time....and she is going to need me down the road. However, I will not continue with the misbehavior.

    I read about 10 pages on the stepparenting self help book today.....it gives a lot of insight. I hope to be able to share some of the ideas with Tony and he needs to apply them to the kids.

    Biggest thing...discipline and it needs to be followed through.
    Also....counseling.....but unfortunately, that will not happen.

    Jean, I am going to apply to what you said with Sara. In fact....I know she was hating it as I was being nice to her and talking to her and that was killing her that she had to talk to me.

    When Tony met me 6 years ago....we met in church. The biggest compliment he gave me was that I was a "lady". And he hopes that I can influence his daughter, 8 at the time to be a "lady". Her mom can be ladylike, but not like me.......

    Well.....the ladylike thing has not rubbed off on Sara yet. If anything, I continue being a lady and hope in time, it will rub off on her and she will not realize it.
    Karen.... Gramma to Miss Lillyanna Emilee and Zachariah Lee ♥♥♥

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  2. #12
    Senior Scrapper gailteach's Avatar
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    So sorry!! Teens are almost the worst. Maybe talk to the school counselor and find out if the have any programs for kids like Sara. That could be really helpful. Usually if there are problems at homre there are problems at school.
    Hugs to all of you!
    Gail

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  3. #13
    Senior Scrapper kray's Avatar
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    The school counseling would be a great idea as well. If I was Sara's parent, I would be at the school asking about her behavior and how she is doing in school...but Tony and his ex will not do that. Tony pretty much let's his ex handle the school thing, but sometimes he will have to step in.

    I do remember one incident last year...the PE teacher got tired of Sara's attitude and stopped calling Sara's mom as her mom didn't do anything, so she called Tony directly....Tony told the teacher....if there is a problem, she should hold Sara accountable to it and give her the proper punishment for what Sara did (it was her mouth). In fact, he told Sara she needs to apologize to the teacher....but I know she didn't. He has threatened to go sit in her classes with her. He did that to one of his older sons before....and the son didn't like it.

    I, myself, utilized the school teachers/counseling with my son. He struggled academically from kindergarten to 12th grade. Also, he was very shy. The male teachers were great role models for him as I was a single mother at the time. The last two years of Brandon being in high school, he started to rebell....I was constantly on the phone with the guidance counselor or met with him in person. The counselor was great. In fact, he helped me a lot. So, I know that would be a great resource.

    We have a soccer tournament this weekend....a traveling team. She is going to go with her Mom. Tony and I will come too, but separately. It's a two day tournament, so we will see how that goes.

    With all these suggestions, I am going to find a way to fit them in conversations with Tony and myself.....plant that seed.....because the way it is going now....it is going to get worse if Tony doesn't do something. Tony even knows that...but the guilt factor is playing a big part at the moment.

    I am welcome to anymore suggestions....will let you know how it goes.



    I tell ya.....teenagers are ALIENS!!!! lol.
    Karen.... Gramma to Miss Lillyanna Emilee and Zachariah Lee ♥♥♥

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  4. #14
    Senior Scrapper gailteach's Avatar
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    I think there are some amazing teens. Then there are those that should be marooned on a deserted island until they turn 20. We have issues with our DS. Unfortunately many of his issues are because of the Autism. He turns 16 in April.
    He doesn't have any friends. He doesn't know how to make friends. His only friends right now are on the internet through Playstation Network.
    Hugs to all of you!
    Gail

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  5. #15
    Senior Scrapper jBlaze's Avatar
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    And, my step mom is one of my most favorite people. I learned so much from her. I hated her for the first few years though, probably because of what she said, but what she said made a difference. Her and my dad have been divorced for about 10 years now, dumb guy. I love my mom and all, but she spoiled me, my step mom made me think by what she said. It does matter.
    Hugs.

    And, I don't know how she did it, both me and her daughter wonder why we can't seem to parent as well as her mom, lol.
    ~Jean.
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  6. #16
    Senior Scrapper kray's Avatar
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    Gail, that must be tough for your son. Does he go to school with other autistic kids or a regular school? I have limited knowledge on autism. My sister is a teacher for autistic children, but they are little guys. {{{hugs}}}

    I am glad you have remained close to your stepmom. That is my long term goal with Sara. I have the confidence we will have that.....but not while she is an "alien". giggle....
    Karen.... Gramma to Miss Lillyanna Emilee and Zachariah Lee ♥♥♥

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  7. #17
    Senior Scrapper kray's Avatar
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    Had an interesting conversation with the hubby tonight. He called his exwife to discuss Sara's soccer game. Since he has not heard from his 20 year old son who lives with her, he asked her what his problem was.

    Guess what the problem is? Or who he is blaming?..............ME!!!!

    I don't know the specifics of Tony's last conversation with his 20 year old son, but his son called Tony to ask him why he is "allowing" me to go to the pig shows as I don't work on the farm with the pigs. I guess his son didn't like Tony's response.

    Now....who gives a 20 year old a right to "dictate" on where I can go and not go? If I want to go to a pig show because my husband is there.....I am going!!!

    I am reading my self help book....which has been good.

    I replied to Tony that his son "needs to get over it". He needs to quit blaming me for everything. He needs to quit acting like a spoiled brat and grow up. He wants to be treated like a man...but he is acting like a spoiled brat. I never call Tony's kids these names to his face....but tonight I did. I am tired of it....no more!!!

    Tony pretty much told me to give up on his son....I told him I already did due to all the disrespect of his son and dictating on how my home is going to be run.

    This son is part of the reason why Sara is acting up with me.

    And what my sister, mom and I think is ironic.....Tony has another son 21 (different mom). He rebelled in a different way and left home at 18. He hated me when I came into the home....he hated women in general. Tough two years on me....but now after a couple years.....I am glad that his older son are developing a better relationship. Zack had to hit rock bottom and now he is doing much better. And this was the child of Tony's that everyone thought did not have a chance....and he is going to be the one that will love me as his stepmom!

    Sorry for venting so much lately...it has been so much this past month....and venting is helping me be strong.

    This time when I did speak to Tony, I was calmer and rational and told him he and I are the authority of our home and he willneed to back me up on it. So, we will see.

    Fortunately, his son will not be at the soccer tournament. He will be too busy partying if he was not working.
    Karen.... Gramma to Miss Lillyanna Emilee and Zachariah Lee ♥♥♥

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  8. #18
    Senior Scrapper Cyndi's Avatar
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    You come here and vent all you need too. We may not be able to help much but we can listen (read).

    Sounds like Tony is finally seeing how his kids have been behaving and is trying to work with you now on it.
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    Cyndi....

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  9. #19
    Senior Scrapper laurat99's Avatar
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    We are always here to listen. From what you've said, it sounds like guilt/lack of reining the kids in is letting them walk all over Tony. My dad would have squashed me like a bug if I would have acted like Sara and the other son. There was a definate authority in the house and it wasn't the kids.

    Best of luck to you at the soccer tournament.
    Laura

  10. #20
    Senior Scrapper tlc3plus's Avatar
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    I also say it's no problem... I know this is huge for you right now but this too will pass and it won't seem so large then! I haven't commented much lately... but got to thinking... do you only have Sarah on weekends? Are you and Tony by yourself during the week? I see the little ones in the avatar ... Well I got to thinking... how about courting your dh... fix a nice dinner and dress nice set the table with candles (and don't talk about Sarah...) Let him see why he fell in LOVE with you! Tell him you really appreciate him and all he does for you... as we build them up they swell with pride and want to do more! (Believe me their ego need feeding! lol)

    I remember one Valentines Day when the kids were little we couldn't afford to go out so I made a nice supper and set the table and told the kids we were having a date with daddy... they thought it was so cool that they were invited. ... For you moms out there you can work around the little ones! lol

    Clarinda


 

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